Jokes

A selection of motorcycling jokes.

Be warned, some of these might be a bit rude, so if you have tender sensibilities, please read no further.


Two bikies were having a quiet drink and arguing about religion.

"What do you know about the Lord’s Prayer?" said the first one. "I’ll bet you five bucks you don’t even know the first line."

"You’re on," said the other, and put his five dollars on the table.

"And now I lay me down to sleep," proudly recited the first.

"You bastard," said his mate, pushing the money across the table. "I didn’t think you knew it!"


The motorcyclist went for his annual check up.
"Your hearing is getting worse!" said the doctor, "and you must cut out drinking, smoking, and sex."
"What?!" cried the rider. "Just so I can hear better?"


A small town in Belgium had just taken delivery of a motorcycle for the local policeman and a great fuss was being made of the fact.

To publicise the event the mayor decided to have the bike desecrated at a special ceremony. So they called in the three denominations to bless it.

The priest chanted a blessing and sprinkled it with holy water. The parson chanted a blessing and waved the cross over it. The rabbi chanted a blessing, went round the back and cut an inch off the exhaust pipe.


A motorcycle cop had just pulled over a car after it had run a stop sign.
"May I see your driver's license and registration please."
"What's the problem, officer?"
"You just ran that stop sign back there."
"Oh come on, pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me."
"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution."
"You gotta be kidding me!"
"It's no joke, sir."
"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution."
"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..."
"You've got a lot of time on your hands, pal. What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?"
"Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately."
"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down and coming to a complete stop."
The policeman had enough. "Sir, I can do better than that." He opened the car door, dragged the rude motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.
"Now sir, would you like for me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"


An Irishman, who had been a bit of a rebel motorcyclist in his time, was drinking at the pub all night. The bartender came up to him and told him that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand up one more time with the same result. So he figured he'd just crawl outside, hang out for a while, get some fresh air and, hopefully, that would sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell again -- right on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home and when he arrived at the door he tried one more time with the same results.

Exhausted, he then gave up and started crawling to the bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright but he quickly fell right into the bed and fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The next morning, he woke up with his wife standing over him shouting at him.

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked as he put on an innocent look.

"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again!"


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